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The New Canada – 2 Provinces and 8 Colonies

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How is Canada still managing to hold itself together after all these years?

It may sound like I’m asking that question facetiously but I’m not, not at all. Why has it not disintegrated, even though it’s should be obvious to even the dimmest among us, that Canada is essentially made up of two provinces and a cluster of territorial colonies. Let’s face it, there are only two provinces as far as Ottawa is concerned and one of those has itself been flirting with hopping the next bus out of town for decades, so why not the rest of us?

Both the west and the east have no voice in what happens or where we are all heading in this Country. Oh, by the way, when I say “east” I’m referring to the real east, you know that little cluster of provinces just right of Quebec on the map in your kid’s geography book. At least I think it’s still included on Canadian maps but you never know these days.

The only thing the governments of Quebec or Ontario have to do is yell loud enough about wanting a more lucrative equalization deal and “Poof!” it’s done. Never mind that it means the rest of the Country will have to tighten its metaphorical belt. Hell, a few less dialysis machines in our hospitals and a steady supply of 1960′s encyclopedias for the classrooms out this way might even be character building.

Looking for a huge federal influx of cash to keep your auto plant or aircraft factory from going bankrupt? Not a problem, as long as you’re in big O or the mighty Q.

Do you need a few sympathetic judges on the Supreme Court of Canada? Then you better hope you live in a place where the hockey players wear red jerseys and a big C on their chests because if you hail from a place like Newfoundland and Labrador you won’t even find one. It’s like the commercial says, Never had it, never will.

Simply put, Ontario and Quebec are the biggest kids on the block and every year they solidify their strangle hold on the playground in Ottawa. Don’t get me wrong, I’m don’t have an issue with those provinces using their political might to make things better for their people, in fact I applaud them. They’d be crazy not too use it. My problem is with a federal political that nurtures two provinces at the expense of the other eight.

The only thing that exists outside these two behemoths, as far as Ottawa is concerned, is a vast empire of resources for their consumption. The rest of us are simply poor peasants (yes, even in oil rich Alberta) who are meant to serve it up and smile while we do it.

Let’s try seeing what Ottawa sees when they look at us shall we?

Newfoundland and Labrador – Petroleum, fish, forest products & minerals.
PEI – Lobster & potatoes;
Nova Scotia – petroleum, fish & coal;
New Brunswick – forest products and potatoes;
Manitoba – Wheat, wheat, wheat & more wheat;
Saskatchewan – petroleum & wheat;
Alberta – petroleum, beef & wheat;
BC – Lumber, fish & some wicked good weed;

That’s it folks. That’s all we are to the Ottawa elite. I know, I know, I can hear you all out there in the great expanse mumbling that your province has more to offer than just that. You’d be right of course. We all do, but I’d love to see you convince the federal leaders from Canada’s two provinces. Just try telling it to some MPs from the big two. I can see the expression of utter dismissal on their faces already. Just try telling them that there are people in Nova Scotia manufacturing products or in Newfoundland producing goods. I can here the response now. “Yeah, sure they are. But beer in buckets in their basements doesn’t count.”

It’s a harsh reality but that’s all we are to Ottawa and we might as well face it. We’re nothing more than resource rich clumps of soil populated by ignorant serfs. We, the people of the wilderness are peasants who are expected to supply Canada (read Quebec & Ontario) with raw materials, drink our homemade slurry and mind our manners while we wait for them to something else that they want and we have.

So, I’ll ask my question once again. How is Canada still managing to hold itself together after all these years? I really want to know because I’ll be damned to hell if I can figure it out.

Oh, one more thing. I realize my commentary neglected to mention the Canadian territories but I figured they had been so forgotten by Ottawa that they might just prefer to be left alone. I’ll be damned if I’m going to tell the feds where their hiding.

By Myles Higgins

@ September 26, 2006